“Commander Vimes didn’t like the phrase ‘The innocent have nothing to fear’, believing the innocent had everything to fear, mostly from the guilty but in the longer term even more from those who say things like ‘The innocent have nothing to fear’.”—Terry Pratchett (via beornwulf)
Commander Vimes might be the literary love of my life.
Quite a number of people seem to be annoyed by the final chapter in the Animorphs story. There are a lot of complaints that I let Rachel die. That I let Visser Three/One live. That Cassie and Jake broke up. That Tobias seems to have been reduced to unexpressed grief. That…
I don’t know why this series keeps popping up in my life, but no really, the first book ends with the main character crying himself to sleep. After a spectacular failure. And I read these books when I was ~7~.
“Romeo can’t really be blamed for Ophelia’s death.”—
Senior English major on a Shakespeare final. (via minininny)
WELL THEY’RE NOT WRONG
How about this, though?
[Editorial Note: This “theory” depends on believing the Romeo and Juliet and Hamlet take place contemporaneously. So, for the sake of argument, let’s all agree that the events of both plays occur in the Spring of 1517 (chosen because of Martin Luther’s 95 Theses, and the Reformational threads that run through Hamlet).]
See, in the Second Quarto and First Folio versions of Romeo and Juliet, a[n extremely minor] character appears with Romeo, Mercutio, and Benvolio at the Capulet’s Party (where, if you recall, Romeo meets Juliet for the first time).
Like Hamlet's Horatio, this Horatio is full of well-worded philosophical advice. He tells Romeo “And to sink in it should you burden love, too great oppression for a tender thing.”
Let’s imagine that Horatio has travelled down from Wittenberg (about 540 miles) to Verona for his Spring Break. He hears about some guys who like to party (because, let’s be honest, besides getting stabbed, partying is Mercutio’s main thing). So, he ends up crashing the Capulet’s ball with them.
He is then on the sidelines as Romeo and Juliet fall in love, Tybalt kills Mercutio, Romeo kills Tybalt, Romeo gets banished, and both lovers are found dead in Juliet’s tomb.
This tragedy fresh in his mind, he returns to Wittenberg at the end of what has turned out to be a decidedly un-radical Spring Break and discovers that his bestie Prince Hamlet is leaving for Elsinore Castle because he’s just gotten news that his father, the King, is dead.
On the trip up (another ~375 miles), Horatio recounts the tragic romance he just witnessed in Verona. He advises (as he is wont to do) Hamlet not to mix love and revenge.
Hamlet takes Horatio’s advice to heart, breaking up with Ophelia so that he can focus is energy on discovering and punishing his father’s killer:
HAMLET Ay, truly; for the power of beauty will sooner transform honesty from what it is to a bawd than the force of honesty can translate beauty into his likeness: this was sometime a paradox, but now the time gives it proof. I did love you once.
Indeed, my lord, you made me believe so.
You should not have believed me; for virtue cannot so inoculate our old stock but we shall relish of it: I loved you not.
Ophelia - burdened by the perceived loss of Hamlet’s love and his murder of her father - goes mad and drowns herself.
You see, if Romeo had waited literally a minute and thirty seconds longer (31 iambic pentametrical lines) - he, Juliet, Ophelia (and possibly the rest of the Hamlet characters) would have made it.
“I think that a huge problem is people who read comics and don’t understand the point of superheroes, which is to be the best version of yourself. You love Captain America? Well, you know what Captain America would never do? Go online anonymously and shit on a girl for having an opinion.”—Brian Michael Bendis talks about comics to Vulture (x)
Apparently there’s a twitter account for Hollywood writers to submit some of the crazy requests TV execs give them back in their script notes. My Reality TV professor sent them to my class in an email. These are hilarious but also scare me for my own future as a screenwriter…
Network Notes @TvNetworkNotes "Needs to feel a little more multi-cam. These jokes are too witty, too good." - FOX 3:16 PM - 7 Oct 2013
Network Notes @TvNetworkNotes "That jacket is not conveying fear. What happened to the other jacket?" - CW 2:27 PM - 26 Sep 2013
Network Notes @TvNetworkNotes "Can we make sure she’s more bitter with life so we’re ok with her dying?" - NBC 1:46 PM - 30 Jul 2013
Network Notes @TvNetworkNotes "Our research shows women respond well to violence. Take out the lifeguard and put in the rape scene." - NBC 11:54 AM - 3 May 2013
Network Notes @TvNetworkNotes Upon revealing a 7-foot tall woman with green skin, claws, and a giant domed head: “How do we know she’s an alien?” - SyFy 2:38 PM - 19 Apr 2013
Network Notes @TvNetworkNotes "I’ve discovered the secret to hit comedies: one word titles. Think about it…Seinfeld, The Office, The Cosby Show.." - ABC 3:00 PM - 12 Feb 2013
Network Notes @TvNetworkNotes "I haven’t seen Moneyball, but could you make this more like Moneyball?" - FOX 2:21 PM - 29 Nov 2012
Network Notes @TvNetworkNotes "Dwarves have done very well for us in prime time." - TLC 2:37 PM - 9 Jan 2012
Network Notes @TvNetworkNotes The butt joke is insensitive towards women. (Two lines down) Please add more shots of sexy women in bikinis on the beach. - Travel 7:45 PM - 8 Aug 2011
Network Notes @TvNetworkNotes "We want them to come off as bimbos, but don’t make them look stupid." - E! 1:19 PM - 9 Jun 2011
For anyone who feels complacent that TV is operated by objective, rational, even-headed, level-minded, finger-on-the-pulse human beings.
IT. IS. NOT. NETWORK EXECS WILL EAGERLY POISON SOCIETY TO GET RATINGS.
Always question the TV you consume! Learn to discern!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF RESEARCH IS NBC DOING???
Presumably they’re just watching Game of Thrones and filing the HBO subscription as a tax write off.
Why would you turn the princess into a swan though. Don’t you realize how terrifying swans are? Don’t you realize they can break your neck with their wings? Have you seen an angry swan? People have suffered severe injuries from swan attacks and you want to turn your captive princess into a bone-breaking rage machine? Are you sure of what you are doing, sir?